new in the city

2005-01-30T11:11:00.000-08:00

back in the midwest, it took less than an hour to feel the walls cave in, when i saw who i'm left with, my neighbors, wandering the streets, trying to stay sane, recognizing me, offering me blunts with that self-conscious yet unapologetic high school peer pressure. do it, be like us. ug.

the stuff the woman left me is still by my door. i haven't touched it.

i'm about to crash, but there is so much i have and want to do. and i'm sad, because my trip back home was actually good for me, and i miss my family, being related to people. they're stuck with me, and i can act how i will with them. above all, despite how upset i can be with my immediate family for bringing me life, they are supportive. i know i am lucky.

i saw a few films and i will see quite a few more before i leave the country. finally saw rvv, which takes place where i used to live (and reminds me of that delicious lesbian savageroses).

last night i went with cousin & friends to in america, and seeing that kind of a family life just made me feel even more lonely. i mean, i saw mysticriver, and the father is so protective and manly. i know, it's just movies. but still. the thing about that one is that i think it was too easy; the victims all died, so no one had to deal with the healing process. and the killer who got away with it doesn't really suffer. i mean, he's not torn apart by the kind of guilt of a shakespearean tragic hero (who would, upon learning his own crime, commit suicide). the main character becomes mad with rage, but never mad with his own culpability, not enough, at least to me. and i think this film in particular was aiming for the levels of shakespeare (some lines rang a bell, like "O I see that nose of yours, but not that dog i shall throw it to"), which is quite a goal. so it earns this sort of criticism.

i'd rather think about films and books right now, than life. my cat is fucking with me for being away so long

kikkakolmonen

new in the city